I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
