I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
