is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
