Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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