i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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