Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
