My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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