what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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