Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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