Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
