I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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