You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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