I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
party gras won. party gras always wins.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize