she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
