does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
