Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I FOUND THE LEGS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
