i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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