I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
either way he was missing a nipple.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
