1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
