stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
