mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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