I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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