I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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