Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your cock deserves a montage
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
