Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
