i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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