We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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