I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
