So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
