you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
