Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize