What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
