Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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