Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
