No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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