Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
