My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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