i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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