just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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