I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
