we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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