omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
