WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize