I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
