I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
