I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize