So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
