I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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