At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
