do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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