when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize