I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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