i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
