That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
