theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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