i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do herpes really smell.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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