i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
