I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
