He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
