I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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