I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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