Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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