Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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