what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
