I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
