if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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