i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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