I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just had sex on a roof
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
