masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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