it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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