Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
