i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
